matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
