Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
