i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i think my cat just said my name.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
