Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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