Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
