I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dicks are not precious.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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