Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
