I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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