No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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