I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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