You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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