I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
