She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
