she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
