I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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