I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
