Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
