you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
