i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize