I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
