I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
