Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
