Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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