i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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