dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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