Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
