And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
