my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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