I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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