She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
