I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
