do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
