i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
