Say something about gay babies.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
