im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
