i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
