I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
