He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
