She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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