and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
