the vacuum is drunk
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.