I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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