dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
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Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
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He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
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