If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor