why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
