U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
It's a yes or no question.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.