shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.