What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.