On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
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Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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