I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
