I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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