i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
