Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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