people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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