I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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