just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
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