Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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