Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
being pregnant is like rehab
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
