Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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