Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize