Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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