Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
