She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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