he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just want nice things and good sex
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
