i will never coherently bang her
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
