Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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