is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
