I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
