Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
