You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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