i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
